Play Comics

Let’s talk about the year 2007, when Ubisoft looked at Konami’s TMNT license, going up for grabs after three straight beat-em-ups, and said “yeah, we’ll take it,” the video game equivalent of adopting somebody else’s very large, very established pet. They tied the whole thing to Imagi’s brand new fully CGI turtle movie and then, in an act of scheduling chaos I can only respect, shipped the game three entire days before the film hit theaters. Bold! Confusing! Possibly the result of someone losing a calendar!

And then, because apparently one platform was never going to cut it, Ubisoft just kept going. PlayStation 2! GameCube! Xbox 360! Wii! PC! A PlayStation 3 version that got paraded around at trade shows like a prize pony and then quietly put out to pasture, never to be seen again! And just when you think the roster’s full, Nintendo DS and PSP roll in with an entirely separate game wearing the same name tag, because why make one turtle game when you could make several turtle games and let the consumer sort it out. Also, bonus points to whoever in marketing decided the title needed zero subtitles, zero colons, zero numbers, just “TMNT,” like it’s the only one that’s ever existed. Confidence!

Climbing out of the sewer to help me survey this multi-console fever dream is Jeremy Powers, host and creator of the Zenspath Entertainment Network, a man who apparently collects retro hardware, works as an engineer, and still finds time to run a podcast, which is either elite time management or a full refusal to acknowledge the concept of a day off.

So track down whichever version of this thing actually ended up in your house back in 2007, because statistically there’s a good chance it wasn’t the same one as your neighbor’s, and let’s find out if TMNT earned its spot in the turtle hall of fame, or if it should’ve stayed a trade show prototype.

By the mid-2000s, Naruto had pulled off something most manga-to-anime properties never manage: it wasn’t just popular, it was everywhere, spinning off a small army of video games across nearly every system with a screen, like Naruto himself used Shadow Clone Jutsu on the entire games industry and nobody thought to stop him. Somewhere in that flood of Ninja Councils and Clash of Ninjas sits Naruto: Path of the Ninja, the entry that decided the best way to honor Kishimoto’s story wasn’t just punching (though there’s plenty of that too) but actually letting you live through the Land of Waves and the Chūnin Exams one turn-based battle at a time.

Path of the Ninja debuted on the Game Boy Advance in Japan back in 2004, then took a leisurely three years to reach American shelves in 2007, arriving on the Nintendo DS instead, because by the time they got around to localizing it, the GBA already felt like last decade’s news. You pick from six familiar faces, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Shikamaru, Neji, and Rock Lee, pair them into formations for bonus combo attacks, and work through more than 90 jutsu, some of which you cast on the DS touchscreen by frantically scribbling a shape with the stylus, which is either a clever nod to hand seals or just a fun way to give yourself a cramp. The story runs all the way to the Chunin Exam invasion and a face-off with Shukaku, and if you’re wondering whether you can also fight Itachi as a secret bonus boss, the answer is: only if you own the Japanese version. The English release quietly deleted that fight but somehow forgot to scrub his name from the end credits, which is the video game equivalent of hiding a body and leaving the shovel leaning against the wall.

Making another through the Play Comics dojo is Merrilee O’Neil of Fear Coded, last seen on the show trying to keep pace with the Flash. This time she’s trading super speed for shadow clones, hand seals, and a Konoha headband, so at least the running is a little more sustainable.

So form your hand seals, grab your kunai pouch, and let’s find out if Path of the Ninja earned its headband as a worthy trip through early Naruto, or if it should’ve stayed back at the Academy with the rest of the genin.

Let’s talk about Spider-Man 3, the movie where Sam Raimi looked at “menacing single antagonist” and said no thank you, I would like three, please, and also I would like Peter Parker to dance down the street like he’s auditioning for a jazz-hands cult. It’s a movie that tried to do everything, mostly succeeded at doing too much, and somehow still made enough money that Activision looked at it and thought: yes, this deserves not one video game, but two, spread across seven different consoles, so that literally nobody in 2007 could escape it. Ambitious! Chaotic! Extremely on brand for the source material!

See, there’s the fancy version, built by Treyarch for PS3, Xbox 360, and PC, where you get a whole open Manhattan to swing around in and the black suit shows up only when the story deems you emotionally ready for it, very mature, very earned. And then there’s the completely different budget cousin, built by Vicarious Visions for PS2, Wii, PSP, GBA, and DS, where you can slap the black suit on whenever you feel like being a jerk, the Wii Remote gets to pretend it’s a web-shooter, and the DS throws the D-pad in the trash entirely so you can beat up Sandman by poking a touchscreen like it owes you money. Same cover art. Same villains. Practically strangers.

Swinging in to help me sort out how many wildly different versions of one questionable movie a single franchise can generate is Harry Steele, co-host of Games on Film, the podcast where he and his brother Rory spend their days grading movies based on video games! Which means Harry has built an entire professional skillset around asking “did Hollywood mess this up,” and today, for one glorious episode, we get to point that same energy directly back at a video game and ask if it managed to mess up the movie right back. Poetic justice! Content symmetry! Whatever you want to call it, it’s happening!

So grab whichever suit you’re feeling today, pick a console, any console, apparently they all made their own decisions, and let’s find out if the Spider-Man 3 games handled three villains and seven platforms with any more finesse than the movie handled three villains and one dance number.