Play Comics

Most podcast guests call in from a spare bedroom, a closet lined with winter coats, or a parked car outside a grocery store. Josh Garvey is joining us from the middle of a black hole. On the bright side, the room tone is fantastic. Nothing echoes when nothing, light included, is allowed to leave.

It’s also a fitting backdrop, because this episode is all about taking an adventure you used to play and asking it to sit still on a page. Somebody looked at a whole quest built on mashing buttons and said, “What if the only button left was ‘turn the page’?” The bravest thing you can do is lick your thumb. That’s a bold leap from the action genre to the paper-cut genre, and we’re going to take a hard look at The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past in comic form.

Josh has agreed to walk us through it from beyond the event horizon, where time runs a bit slow, so by the time you hear this he’s technically still on his first sentence. That also makes him the only guest we’ve ever had who can offer a genuine link to the past, a pun I’ve been sitting on since the moment he said yes. We had to be careful with the mic placement, since anything left within Josh’s reach gets stretched into a very long strand of spaghetti. Lesson learned about the pop filter.

So please keep your arms, legs, and any nearby light inside the episode at all times, and don’t panic if the audio shows up a few billion years late. Nobody has ever returned from a black hole to leave a bad review, which honestly might be the best business model in podcasting.

Every generation needs a reminder that games-based-on-movies-based-on-comics are their own strange little ecosystem, and Hellboy: The Science of Evil is a proud, slightly confused citizen of it. It doesn’t adapt either del Toro movie directly. Instead it just borrows the general vibe, invents its own plot, and trusts you to recognize a giant stone fist and a wisecracking demon without needing either film’s actual story. It’s the video game equivalent of a cover band that only plays originals.

And that giant stone fist deserves a moment, because it’s doing some real character-design heavy lifting. Hellboy is built around exactly one absurdly oversized body part, and that’s basically the whole design manual for a certain flavor of comic book tough guy: pick one appendage, blow it up past the point of reason, let the silhouette do the talking. Todd McFarlane ran the identical play with Spawn, except he went south instead of north, handing us a hero who could probably punt a sedan but might struggle to tie his own laces. One big fist, one big boot. Same weird design instinct, opposite ends of the body.

Which is a good excuse to bring in George Marston of Spawnography, the podcast where Pierce Lydon joins in to spend their time in the giant-boot corner of that exact design philosophy. George is flying solo this round to see how a giant fist holds up against a their usual task of studying a giant boot.

So pick your favorite oversized body part, brace for a beat-em-up that seems mildly allergic to its own source material, and let’s find out whether The Science of Evil earns a place next to del Toro’s films, or whether it belongs exactly where most tie-in games end up: forgotten. And don’t forget about the Nazi occultism.

Let’s just say it up front: turning a trading card game into a video game is a magic trick where the “trading” and the “card” both quietly slip out the back door, leaving you with a menu that goes “ding” when you win. And Marvel decided this was worth doing not once, but on two separate handhelds that weren’t even talking to each other, like a superhero team-up where nobody checked who else was showing up.

Somewhere, someone looked at the specific joy of slapping a foil Spider-Man card down on a table hard enough to rattle the juice boxes, and said: what if we replaced that with a stylus tap? What if deck-building, the sacred art of jamming eighty cards into a rubber band and hoping for the best, became a scroll menu instead? Visionary. Extremely quiet. Nobody’s little brother has ever stormed off in a rage over a scroll menu.

Dealing me in for this one is Gen Moonen, co-host of the “Fun” & Games Podcast alongside Matt Storm, a show built entirely around two people who genuinely, unapologetically love games, which honestly should be a requirement for every gaming podcast and somehow still isn’t.

So grab a deck, or a controller, or whatever the modern version of “shuffle and pray” is, and let’s find out if Marvel Trading Card Game is a genuinely good time, or a lesson in why some hobbies were never meant to leave the kitchen table.