Play Comics

Back in 1988, CBS gave us Garfield: His 9 Lives, an anthology special where our favorite lasagna enthusiast got to be a caveman, a pampered Egyptian god-cat, and an honest-to-goodness astronaut fending off an interstellar war fleet. Ambitious! Mythic, even! Then in 2006, Lucky Jump Games and The Game Factory looked at that legacy, borrowed the exact same title for a Game Boy Advance platformer, and said: actually, what if his nine lives were a farm, a haunted house, a circus, a sewer, a tree, an alley, an obedience school, and a lab? No pyramids. No space combat. Just Garfield, freshly stuffed from an eating binge, suffering eight increasingly damp nightmares about locations you could reach on foot from his own kitchen.

Climbing out of Garfield’s nightmare to help us survey the damage is Derek B Gayle, who hosts or co-hosts what feels like an ever-multiplying stable of shows including Walloping Websnappers, Gimmicks, Skreeonk!, and, at this point, so many other podcasts that keeping an accurate list may violate several laws of podcast physics. If Garfield hates Mondays, Derek looked at that same feeling and apparently decided the correct response was to start four more podcasts to fill the time.

So raid the fridge, settle in for a night you won’t remember fondly, and let’s find out if Garfield and His Nine Lives earned its spot next to the caveman, the pharaoh, and the astronaut, or if it should’ve stayed exactly the kind of dream you forget the second your alarm goes off.

Let’s talk about the year 2007, when Ubisoft looked at Konami’s TMNT license, going up for grabs after three straight beat-em-ups, and said “yeah, we’ll take it,” the video game equivalent of adopting somebody else’s very large, very established pet. They tied the whole thing to Imagi’s brand new fully CGI turtle movie and then, in an act of scheduling chaos I can only respect, shipped the game three entire days before the film hit theaters. Bold! Confusing! Possibly the result of someone losing a calendar!

And then, because apparently one platform was never going to cut it, Ubisoft just kept going. PlayStation 2! GameCube! Xbox 360! Wii! PC! A PlayStation 3 version that got paraded around at trade shows like a prize pony and then quietly put out to pasture, never to be seen again! And just when you think the roster’s full, Nintendo DS and PSP roll in with an entirely separate game wearing the same name tag, because why make one turtle game when you could make several turtle games and let the consumer sort it out. Also, bonus points to whoever in marketing decided the title needed zero subtitles, zero colons, zero numbers, just “TMNT,” like it’s the only one that’s ever existed. Confidence!

Climbing out of the sewer to help me survey this multi-console fever dream is Jeremy Powers, host and creator of the Zenspath Entertainment Network, a man who apparently collects retro hardware, works as an engineer, and still finds time to run a podcast, which is either elite time management or a full refusal to acknowledge the concept of a day off.

So track down whichever version of this thing actually ended up in your house back in 2007, because statistically there’s a good chance it wasn’t the same one as your neighbor’s, and let’s find out if TMNT earned its spot in the turtle hall of fame, or if it should’ve stayed a trade show prototype.

By the mid-2000s, Naruto had pulled off something most manga-to-anime properties never manage: it wasn’t just popular, it was everywhere, spinning off a small army of video games across nearly every system with a screen, like Naruto himself used Shadow Clone Jutsu on the entire games industry and nobody thought to stop him. Somewhere in that flood of Ninja Councils and Clash of Ninjas sits Naruto: Path of the Ninja, the entry that decided the best way to honor Kishimoto’s story wasn’t just punching (though there’s plenty of that too) but actually letting you live through the Land of Waves and the Chūnin Exams one turn-based battle at a time.

Path of the Ninja debuted on the Game Boy Advance in Japan back in 2004, then took a leisurely three years to reach American shelves in 2007, arriving on the Nintendo DS instead, because by the time they got around to localizing it, the GBA already felt like last decade’s news. You pick from six familiar faces, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Shikamaru, Neji, and Rock Lee, pair them into formations for bonus combo attacks, and work through more than 90 jutsu, some of which you cast on the DS touchscreen by frantically scribbling a shape with the stylus, which is either a clever nod to hand seals or just a fun way to give yourself a cramp. The story runs all the way to the Chunin Exam invasion and a face-off with Shukaku, and if you’re wondering whether you can also fight Itachi as a secret bonus boss, the answer is: only if you own the Japanese version. The English release quietly deleted that fight but somehow forgot to scrub his name from the end credits, which is the video game equivalent of hiding a body and leaving the shovel leaning against the wall.

Making another through the Play Comics dojo is Merrilee O’Neil of Fear Coded, last seen on the show trying to keep pace with the Flash. This time she’s trading super speed for shadow clones, hand seals, and a Konoha headband, so at least the running is a little more sustainable.

So form your hand seals, grab your kunai pouch, and let’s find out if Path of the Ninja earned its headband as a worthy trip through early Naruto, or if it should’ve stayed back at the Academy with the rest of the genin.